


I'm Not Okay (I promise)

by Pan_and_nonbinary



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Brotherly Love, King Creativity, M/M, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Multi, Patton is no longer patton, Patton is sympathetic in the beginning, Sorry Not Sorry, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, Tags Contain Spoilers, This will be gay, Unsympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders, hopefully updated constantly, lmao you ready, new roles for the sides, remus is sad in this one, the mindscape shifts, the sides get new names, things will go back to normal eventually, this is a comic on my insta, virgil is dead still, will add more tags later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-22
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:29:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22366417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pan_and_nonbinary/pseuds/Pan_and_nonbinary
Summary: Everything was fine. Patton has finished dinner and went to go get the kiddos but Virgil isn't in his room?Roman and Logan are eating downstairs.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Original Character(s)
Comments: 63
Kudos: 156





	1. Dinner Time!

Patton was cooking spaghetti in the kitchen. He always has the food hand made. Logan doesn't get why Patton doesn't just summon the food, but when it's made with love it tastes so much better. Patton adds a few finishing touches before he begins to set the table. All four plates get food, Virgil with the least and Roman with the most. Patton wishes Virgil would eat more but as long as he ate something, Patton was happy. Once the table was set and ready Patton made his way up the mindscapes stairway to where there were four doors. Red, navy blue, light blue, and purple. Patton remembers the day that Virgil's room had moved from downstairs to upstairs. It was after the Q and A. Roman wasn't too happy but Patton was thrilled to have a new kiddo to adopt. Patton never really found out why Virgil's room was moved. It was Virgil's privacy, so he never said anything. Patton shook his head as he brought his attention back to the task at hand. 

“Kiddo’s! Dinner’s ready!” Patton cupped his hands around his mouth to add volume to what he had said. He watched as Roman valiantly stepped out of his room, a dazzling smile on his face as he greeted Patton. 

“Salutations, padre! May I ask what you have prepared for dinner? It smells divine!” Roman straightens out his outfit, as he talks to Patton. Patton returns the smile, which falters slightly when he notices the bandage on Roman's cheek bone. 

“Spaghetti! Say, what happened to your cheek, kiddo?” Patton asked, his smile returning as he watched Roman carefully for an answer, waiting to see any reaction that could mean that something was wrong. Roman's hand self-consciously places itself against the bandage, Roman's smile faltering for less than a second, but Patton still catches it. 

“It’s nothing to worry about, padre! Just had another battle with the dragon which. This one just managed to get a bit more heated than usual.” Roman explains, quick to shove the injury off as he removes his hand from his cheek. Patton sighs, placing a hand on his hip, tutting a bit. Patton felt a little anxiety rush into him, but he's sure that was just from the fear of losing Roman. Patton doesn't know what he'd do if he permanently lost a member of his famILY. 

“You oughta be more careful kiddo! You could have been seriously injured. Or worse, expelled.” Patton was quick to add in the joke, quick to shake the anxiety off of him. Patton notices Logan from the corner of his eye, before looking over at Roman as he groans, though a smile comes through on the princes lips. 

“Alright, Sir Meonie, I assure you, I will be more careful.” Roman promises, adding the nickname to assure Patton that he understood the Harry Potter reference. Patton responds to the nickname with a giggle, but his laughter ends once Logan begins to speak. Gosh that teacher was so freaking cool!

“Roman, I do suggest that you do take Patton’s concern seriously, despite the Harry Potter reference. If you were to obtain a serious injury, such as a stab wound or major burns and we didn’t know, you could-” Roman roles his eyes through the beginning of Logan's speech, scoffing softly before interrupting him. 

“Die? Yes, I am quite aware, teach. Though it is nice to hear that you care about my presence.” Logan raises an eyebrow and shakes his head before answering. Patton is frowning at the two of them. This was their fourth argument this week... And it was Tuesday!

“Preposterous, it is just that Patton cares about your presence and therefore so does Thomas. You are a constant in his life, and we have all learned that constance keeps Virgil calm. I, personally, only care for Thomas’ health and would not miss your presence.” Logan shoots back, keeping his cool through the insult, not noticing how Patton is frowning at the both of them and he pays no mind to the offended noises coming from this Creativity's mouth. But Patton has had enough at this point.

“Hey! Play nice you two! And as far as I can control, I’ll be making sure all of you stay safe and alive, now, go downstairs where dinner is waiting. Wouldn’t want it to get cold.” Logan and Roman look at the moral character with shock. It is a rare day when Patton truly scolds them. They both go downstairs, bickering quietly so Patton cannot hear them, neither of them wishing to upset Patton any further. Patton goes to Virgil’s room and raps a knuckle against the door frame. 

“Kiddo, time for dinner! I made spaghetti!” When there is no response from the room, Patton gently knocks again, gasping softly when the bedroom door opens 

“Kiddo…?”


	2. Where Is He?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton decides to pay the dark sides a visit, still looking for his dark strange son. 
> 
> ABJVBIvb Hey y'all!! Thank you for all the kudos and comments last chapter!! I forgot to say so last time but my user for the Insta where I am posting the comic is @_oliveviolette_ !!!

When Patton walks in, the bedroom is completely empty, no Virgil in sight, and the panic is obvious on Patton’s face. 

“Virgil? Virge, kiddo, are you in here?!” Patton searches the room as anxiety creeps into him, but he's sure it's the effect of Virgil's room kicking in. The room is searched in a panic, but Virgil is not to be found. The room has no sign of him or where he went. Patton searches the entire light side, he ignores the anxiety he is feeling. Virgil is fine. He has to be fine. Patton thinks for a moment and something pops to mind. Maybe he's with dark sides! They took him!! After Virgil admitted to Thomas about being one of them in the past.. Yeah.. Yeah that has to be it!! Virgil wouldn't be in the dark side for any other reason. So Patton sinks out to the Dark Realm and runs into Deceit.

“Oh, Patton. What are doing down here? It’s totally not a shock to see you here.” Deceit hisses out his 's' as he steps toward Patton. He will admit, he was not expecting the Moral side to be in the place where he had condemned the 'dark' sides to stay in order to 'protect' Thomas. Deceit totally wasn't salty about this event at all. But then again, he had been the one to help Patton with the split, so he truly had no right to be salty. Patton has a panicked look on his face. When his eyes find Deceit, an accusing expression comes over Patton's face

“Deceit! Where is he?! What did you do?!” The worry and concerned look on Patton's face melts into anger as he accuses Deceit. The deceitful sides eyes widen as he is accused of something, who knows what. Deceit scoffs, some anger in his expression. 

“Please continue, Morality. I definitely know what you’re talking about.” Deceit sneers, pretending to find interest in his gloved fingernails. Deceit has had a long day with Remus, he was not in the mood for confrontation with Patton right now. He honestly just wanted to go to his room and sleep. Deceit looks over to the moral trait and noticed as the side took a deep breath, his face softening. 

“Virgil. Where is he? He’s not in our realm at all so I decided to check down here. Do you know where he is.” Patton asked, cautiously looking back up to Deceit. He needed to know where Virgil was, to make sure the emo was safe. Patton doesn't know what he'll do if something bad did happen to Virgil. Patton rubbed his face to try and get rid of the stress and anxiety that was rushing through him. He tried with all of his might to ignore the thoughts speeding through the mind. Deceit studies Patton for a moment before sighing and pushing a strand of his hair back.. 

“Well, it’s totally not likely that he could be in his room.” Deceit answered, watching Patton carefully. The moral trait had a different energy surrounding him, in fact, the entire mindscape felt as if it was holding in a breath, waiting for something to happen. Negative energy was everywhere. Deceit would have to check in on Virgil if Patton were to find him. The anxious side may have hated him but Deceit still cared for Virgil, the side he had raised for over twenty years. Something was definitely wrong with Virgil if the mindscape was this affected. 

“Could you show me to his room? Please?” Patton asks watching Deceit with hope. Patton could tell that Deceit was in deep thought. The two agreed then. Something was wrong and they needed to check on Virgil, then everything would be fine. Right? Deceit sighs and nods. Patton offers the snake a small smile. Deceit pauses for a moment before turning away and heading towards Anxieties room, Patton was quick to follow. When the two arrived, Deceit knocked on the door, waiting a moment before taking a breath and talking. 

“Virgil, are you in there?” Deceit calls softly, stepping away from the door as Patton steps up to the door. The moral side knocks once more, his knuckles soft and cautious as they rapped against the wood. 

“Kiddo?” Patton called, resting his hand gently against the door. There is no answer from the room, but Patton panics and takes a small step back as the door opens, becoming slightly ajar. Patton looks over to Deceit, the two sides sharing a look of concern. Patton takes a deep breath before gently grabbing the doorknob. 

“Kiddo? I’m coming in-” Patton said softly before slowly opening the door. When the door is completely open, a cry gets stuck in Patton's throat as the moral side collapses to his knees, a choked sob struggling to escape Patton's body. Deceit's eyes widen as he watches Patton collapse from the hallway. Deceit begins to the doorway to see what is going on with Patton. When Deceit sees it, a breath gets stuck in his throat and he takes a step back as the shock hits him, his eyes blinking multiple times with disbelief. 

"Virgil?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading!! See you next chapter!!


	3. Know that means I have to leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that the chapter is so short y'all.   
> TW!!! Suicide, main character death, crying, and angst uwu

Virgil's body is hanging from the roof... 

Deceit freezes and his breathing stops. Virgil was hanging from the roof like a spider from his web. The emo's coat was off and he was more pale than usual. Deceit blinked his eyes as he choked out a breath. The world was silent and frozen until he heard a sob come from Patton. Deceit reminded himself how to move and speak, eyes still stuck to Virgil's body like a moth to light.

“Patton- Patton come here.” He says softly, placing a hand on the moral sides shoulder. Deceit helps Patton as the moral side stands up and backs up into Deceit, his body trembling as he sobs violently. Deceit was quick to wrap his arms around Patton and the fatherly side turns around to return the embrace, sobbing into Deceits chest. This shouldn't be happening. They both lost their child. The dark and angsty emo was dead, hanging limply from the ceiling. Deceit hid his face in Patton's hair, letting the warm tears fall from his cheeks. Patton's whimpers brought Deceit back to reality. Deceit sinks out from the dark side to the light side where Roman and Logan are eating their dinners. When Deceit is seen with tears in his eyes and Patton in his arms, both sides freeze and look at Deceit and Patton with concern, neither wanting to be the first to speak and break the fragile silence. Roman is cautious when he stands up, carefully walking over to the two as if walking on shattered glass. Logan stands slowly, feeling as if he didn't want to know what had happened. Roman studies Deceit carefully before speaking, his voice soft, treading on thin ice. 

“What happened?” The creative side asked watching the two parental sides for any sort of body language. Roman could sense that something was horribly wrong, but what? Deceit hugged Patton tighter as louder sobs left the moral character. How are they going to react to this. Would they blame Deceit? Say that he'd pressed Virgil to do this? That was the truth wasn't it? Dee kept coming back and he pushed Virgil to the edge. The side admitted to being a dark side then killed himself a week later. It was Deceit's fault. Wasn't it? Patton squeezed Deceit tighter in the hug, the snake side letting out a shaky breath. He had to tell them then...

“Virgil… he killed himself.” Deceit whispered. The room went dead silent as if holding a breath. The only sound in the room was Patton's cries. Those words made everything so much more real. Gosh what was going to happen to the mindscape. How would they tell Thomas? 

how would they tell thomas that one of his sides had killed himself?

Roman’s eyes widened and he shook his head. That couldn't be true. Sure Roman made fun of the emo nightmare a ton but that didn't mean he hated him and wanted him dead! Virgil was Roman's best friend. They would spend Friday nights together in sleepovers and do makeovers every now and again. They would gossip about the other sides and about the sides they had feelings for. Virgil couldn't be dead. There was no way. No way... 

“No… no you’re lying. You're lying to us for some stupid prank!” Roman cried out, wiping the tears that had managed to slip down his face. Roman backed down when he saw Patton flinch and realized Deceit was glaring at him. Roman shook his head and choked out a sob as he realized the snake faced side was not lying this time. His Chemically Imbalanced Romance was dead, probably bound to fade away soon. 

“Yes, of course Roman. I’m lying about having seen his dead body. Patton would totally be crying into my chest right now if I were lying.” He growled. Deceit despised the light sides and their small mindness. Deceit did not only speak in lies and he sure as hell wouldn't lie about his son having killed himself. Deceit looked down at Patton when a small whimper escaped the moral side. He did not like the arguing. Especially not now. Not when he'd just lost his dark strange son. Patton let out a shaky breath, choking back a sob as he tightly grabbed Deceit's cape. 

“Ro.. he’s not lying.” Patton whispered. He took a moment to gather himself, taking a few deep breaths before he hesitantly pulled away from Deceit, wiping his tears away with the back of his hands. When Deceit placed a supportive hand on his back, Patton leaned into it gratefully, gathering himself before saying the three words he had hoped to never come from his mouth. 

“Virgil is gone.” 

Everyone looked up when Logan took a step back, bumping into the table. There were tears in the logical sides eyes and his once nice hair was a mess. Virgil was like a brother to him. Someone to admire the stars with him and talked about conspiracies and cryptids with him. Virgil was not dead. 

“No, no that’s impossible. A side can’t be gone. A side can’t die.” Logan said quickly, trying to let logic take over the icky feelings he had inside that it was his fault if Virgil was dead. He was the logical one. He should have been paying more attention. If he only paid attention to what Virgil had said or how he'd been acting.. Logan should have noticed something and should have reacted so that they weren't in the situation that they were in now. If he was smart, this whole thing could have been avoided. If he were smarter. This was all his fault. Virgil was dead because he had lacked to pay attention. Patton's broken voice dragged Logan out of his internal downward spiral. 

"Logan." The paternal sides voice was soft and weary as he took a couple of steps towards Logan, putting his hands up cautiously, not wanting the logical side to freak anymore then he already had been. He carefully watched Logan for any signs of hostility before he declared it was safe and took the logical sides hand. It was cold and clammy, trembling like a leaf in the wind. 

“Logan… we both know they can.." Patton started, "Anxiety… it’s still present in Thomas but…" Patton hesitated, letting another sob break him before pulling himself back together and trying to be strong for the other sides. They needed him to be strong. 

"Virgil is gone..”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry bout what I said.


	4. The Itsy Bitsy Spider

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus has joined the party. ;( Anyways, we are now caught up to my comic!! The Insta account is @_oliveviolette_ if you would like to see my art!! Happy Valentines day y'all!!

Logan was shaking as Patton attempted to calm him down. Roman was silent as tears sped down his cheeks. Patton bit his lip and wiped away another tear, taking Logan’s hand. He had to help his boys.. Some way, some how...

“All of us are hurting Logan.. It’s okay to feel.” Logan looked at Patton, running a hand through his hair. He doesn’t realize he’s crying until Patton wipes the tears away. Crying, imagine that. The logical, emotionless, robot was crying. Logan let out a broken laughed that turned into a broken sob and he lets Patton hug him. Roman is quick to join the embrace, to protect the other two sides as he cried with them. They sink to their knees, a touching moment really. Deceit watches for a moment before he's sinking down to the dark sides realm. He needed to take care of Virgil's body.. and he needed to tell Remus. Oh how would Remus react? Deceit lets out a sigh as he walks over to Virgil’s room. When he gets there, he sees Remus standing in the doorway. The side is shaking, a sudden and unexpected sound leaving the intrusive side. A laugh. Remus was laughing hysterically. Deceit felt his heart clench as he watched the back of the side in front of him.

“Shit- Remus-” Deceit began before Remus interrupted him. Remus hadn't turned around but when Remus had finally spoke, he sound broken. 

“This is a joke.. Isn’t it? Played by emo nightmare himself! Just like Veronica did to JD! Haha! Very funny, raisin cookie, you can stop acting now! Such a drama queen! Almost worse than my brother aha!” Remus' laugh turned into a sob as he fell to his knees. His hands went straight to his hair, tugging harshly at the handfuls he'd grabbed. Deceit took a slow step forward, reaching his hand out to the Duke. 

“Remus…” He whispered softly, stepping forward hesitantly. Remus is quick to stand up and whip around and Dee see the tears and eyeshadow running down his face, the smile on his face a bit demented. Remus grins at Deceit and the broken expression on the snakes face. 

“Why won’t he wake up, Snakey? H-he needs to… He needs to wake up.” Remus fell forward and Deceit quickly moves forward to catch him and pulls Remus into a hug, squeezing the side, afraid that if he let go, he would lose his baby, his kid, his son. He couldn't lose Remus too. 

“I’m so sorry, Re… I’m so sorry.” Remus melts into Deceit’s grasp, the two of them falling to their knees, both of them were shaking. 

“Mama.. why won’t the itsy spider wake up. Why is my emo hanging from his spiderweb?” Remus asked, burying his face into Deceit's cape. Deceit let a few tears slip from his eyes. He had to protect to Remus no matter the cost as he held Remus tighter.

“Oh, honey… I wish I knew…” 

Sobs in the dark hallway as the two sides held onto each other. They didn't want to risk losing the one that they were holding onto. Remus had lost an ex lover and Deceit had lost his son. 

“I wish I knew.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the short chapter ;( Next week will be a vv sad update kiddos. This one broke me ofc. Thank you guys for all the love and kudos! We're about one month in aaa!!


	5. Carry On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And we are at the funeral!! This will include the sides' reaction about everything going on. I apologize for this chapter being late!! I am in my high school's production of Beauty and the Beast and the show is in two weeks!! I will have theater stuff the next two update days so next chapter won't be until the end of March you guys, see you then kiddo's!!

It is a bright and beautiful day in the imagination. There is the slightest breeze and a hint of lavender in the air coming from the field of purple flowers. There’s a large mural set up in the grass, Virgil’s picture on display. He was smiling. Both of the anxious sides’ coats were hanging on the large picture frame. The sound of sniffles and crying filled the air as five sides entered this area of the imagination. They were able to see Remus’ and Roman’s hard work in this area of the imagination that they had dedicated to Virgil. Deceit stood with Remus to the side, away from the other sides. Remus’ head was resting on Deceit’s shoulder. He made sure to dress nicely today. Remus was wearing a green, long sleeve, button up shirt and was wearing a black tie. His hair was up in a bun. Deceit wore the same outfit he’d worn to the trial. His hat was off and his hair was up, his arm wrapped securely around Remus. Logan stood near Roman and Patton. The latter was sobbing in the former's arms, both of them holding onto each other as if they were afraid to let go.

Logan looked over to Remus, studying him for a moment before looking over to Roman, noticing the glassiness in the twin creativites eyes. Logan thought for a moment, looking for something to say as he looked back at the mural for some sort of inspiration. The quiet was awful. 

“You did an incredible job, Roman and Remus. If Virgil was here…. I’m sure he would have enjoyed it.” Logan explained, finally finding the right thing to say. Logan looked to Deceit to make sure he’d said the right words to calm the Intrusive Thoughts to find Deceit looking at him, nodding to assure Logan that he’d used the appropriate and correct words. Virgil truly would’ve loved the field that was expertly designed with all the things Virgil loved. If you played close enough attention, you could see the hints of gray in certain flowers. 

Patton pulled away from Roman reluctantly and slowly walked up to the mural, smiling sadly at the picture before turning around to face the other sides. Patton took a nervous breath, anxiety swirling through his system as he gathered the nerves to say what he wanted to say.

“I um.. I found his- Virgil’s.. I found Virgil’s suicide note yesterday… It um.. It says-”

////VIRGIL’S POV + SIDES REACTION TO THE NOTE////

Virgil sat, crying in his bed, as he looked down at the lined paper, hoping his handwriting wasn’t so horrible that the others would be unable to read the note. He took a deep breath and laughed in spite of himself, wiping the many tears that were flooding his eyes. This would be better for everyone, he thought, Thomas will still have anxiety but I won’t be a bother. I won’t be the bad guy. Virgil looked down at the paper that was salty with his tears and began to write.

‘To whoever finds this, read this with everyone else around, please. Sup everyone.. I, sh-patton censor- You guys I’m so so sorry for doing this. My anxiety and depression got the best of me.. This isn’t anyone’s fault but mine! Do NOT blame yourself because I said screw it and decided to quit... But I wanted to say something to each of you. This is the only way I could do it.’ 

Patton is standing in front of everyone, shaking as he read the note aloud. 

‘Dad.. Please, please don’t beat yourself up for being unable to save me. There is nothing you could have done. I want to thank you for the last few years. You were the first to accept me and to love me... Even if it took a while. You learned to see the best in people. In me. Even when I was nothing but a monster. I love you Popstar...I'm sorry for doing this to you…’ 

Logan had tears falling from his eyes, a sad, soft smile placed on his lips as Patton read what Virgil had written for him.

‘Lo… Don’t try to logic your way out of emotions… I know how it feels to repress emotions. Look what happened to me, haha. Seriously though, everyone physically needs you, teach. Thank you for knowing how to calm me down during my panic attacks. I’m sorry for leaving without warning, Logan… I loved every moment we had together. Please, don’t forget me, Lo… I love you… Take care of Thomas and the others. they need you.’ 

Roman is looking away, arms crossed. 

‘Princey, this is not your fault. Even if the beginning of our friendship was bumpy.. But we learned to be friends, didn't we? No one hates you, sir sing-a-lot. Take care of our nerds for me?And please take care of your brother. He needs you. I love you Roman. I'm so so sorry.’ 

Deceit has a blank expression but there are tears in his eyes. 

‘Dee, I’m sorry. For every fight I started, for each thing I called you, for leaving so suddenly. But I am not sorry I joined the others. I appreciate everything you have done for me. For being there when I had no one else. I always had you. I hope you could forgive me… I love you mama.’

Remus is sitting on the grass, sobbing into his hands. 

‘Mi corazon… I am so sorry. I left you… twice. It’s not your fault. Do not blame yourself. Please. Take care of mama and Roman for me? Be strong, trashman. I love you, Remus. So so much.’ 

By the time Virgil has finished the letter he has a blank expression, he smiles ever so slightly, signing off the letter. 

‘Please don’t cry over me. Tell Thomas that I’m sorry and that this wasn’t his fault. This is no one's fault. I’m sorry for all the pain I’ve caused… I love you guys, VIRGIL’


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit and Patton talk about their past.

The five sides were currently relaxing in the living room of the mindscape, having returned to the neutral space after the funeral had ended. Roman is on the couch with Logan and Remus. The fanciful side's hand was currently resting atop the logical side's hand, both of them maintaining a quiet and calm conversation with the intrusive side. Deceit is standing in the entryway from the kitchen to the living room, relaxing with a hot cup of coffee in his hands, the warmth feeling good on his gloved hands. Patton quietly walks over, leaning against the entry way as he looks out to the living room with a sad smile. Virgil would have loved to see his family getting along again… Although, this probably wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for the death of the anxious side. The deceitful side looks up when he realizes that Patton is now standing next to him, watching the others. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Patton. If anything it was mine.” Dee said suddenly, looking down at the cup of coffee in his hands. Patton looks over, shocked at what Deceit had said. He lets out a soft laugh and shakes his head ever so slightly with a sad smile. 

“Don’t blame yourself, Dee. It was your heart on the line. You knew him better than the rest of us.” He murmured, his hands in the pockets of his hoodie and he watched Deceit’s face, trying to read his emotions. Deceit let out a shaky laugh, looking over at Patton with the human side of his face being tinted a soft pink. 

“I really messed up our relationship, this time…” Deceit muses, quietly, more to himself but the moral trait still hears him and smiles sadly, shaking his head and looking down.

“Didn’t I, my dear?” Patton’s voice comes out as a soft whisper, and he tries to ignore the tears welling up in his eyes. Deceit blushes and gently takes Patton’s hand into his own. Patton looks up and smiles softly before frowning and looking down at his teal socks. 

“I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you, Dee. You looked over him and Remus for around twenty years and- I’m so sorry for everything I did Dee.. I- my morals were so messed up back then..” Deceit sighed softly. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Patton continued. 

“I’m surprised you stayed.. I would have thought that you would have left right after the funeral.”   
Deceit speaks up before the moral trait was able to interrupt him again.

“Patton.. I totally stopped caring about you the moment the mind scape was split. If you or any of the others needed me I totally would not come.” He assured, gently squeezing Patton’s hand. Patton chuckled sadly in response, shaking his head. 

“I never meant to hurt you De. I was just so scared… If I would’ve-” Deceit interrupts him, looking out to the living room.  
“There’s nothing that you can change Patton. The past is in the past. All we can do now is… try to move past it. To move forward. I understand you may hate my guts because you think I’m nothing but a liar, but-” 

“Dee!” Patton interrupts Deceit and kisses him softly. Deceit is absolutely shocked when Patton pulls away, wide eyed as he looks to Patton for some kind of explanation, still too flustered to speak for himself. Both sides are blushing a bright pink. Patton takes a shaky breath before continuing. 

“I have loved you since we were fourteen.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awh look at the love birds! I'm sure that means that fluff will continue and that Deceit and Patton will fall in love, becoming some big happy family! 
> 
> right?


	7. Another time, Another place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We face the reality of the situation, and see the consequences behind Patton's action of kissing Deceit
> 
> (PLEASE READ END NOTES FOR IMPORTANT INFO)

Deceit spits out a laugh and steps away from Patton, setting his coffee mug down as he glared at the moral side. So what if his heart fluttered when Patton had pressed his lips against his, it was wrong!! Patton had taken advantage of the situation. He took advantage of Deceit in a vulnerable moment. Patton didn’t even know his name. The moral side had no right to do what he had done. None. 

“Who the hell, do you think you are?! You’ve been treating me like gum on the bottom of your shoe for the past twenty years, and now, just because my son- because Virgil is dead, you think that you have the right to kiss me and proclaim your love?!” Deceit was fuming, he couldn’t remember a time he had been this upset. Maybe after the split of creativity, maybe after the split of the mindscape when Patton had deemed Deceit as evil. When Patton had abandoned Anxiety and the other half of Creativity. Just maybe. 

Patton’s face had paled as he realized the mistake he’d made. That wasn’t how Patton meant it, this wasn’t supposed to happen like this!! His stupid, stupid, emotions making impulsive and reckless decisions. He could feel the negative emotions rolling off of Deceit in waves. Even if Patton did love Deceit, now was not the right time to proclaim that love. Sadly, due to Patton’s reckless behavior, it was too late to realize the facts. All because of these stupid emotions. Patton looked behind him and realized that the other sides were staring now, the shock obvious on their faces. He watches as Remus slowly takes a step towards the two, wanting to get to Deceit and to attempt to calm him down, or to at least comfort the deceitful side. 

Patton turns red as he steps back and away from Deceit, irrational fear climbing up his throat. Why was he scared? He shouldn’t be scared. Fear is what caused the entire split in the first place, the fear that Thomas wasn’t a good person if he lied or if he had icky thoughts. 

“It’s not like that! I was just-” Patton quickly tried to explain, tried to defend his actions, but was there even a good explanation as to why Patton had done what he had? 

“Protecting Thomas, right?” Deceit interrupted with a growl. Deceit let out a shaky laugh and shook his head as angry tears rushed to his eyes. He composed himself before making eye contact with Patton, his eyes showing the rage he was holding back.

“Maybe the side he needs protecting from, is you.” He spat out before sinking out to the dark side. To his home. If when he reached his room he screamed and collapsed onto his bed sobbing, no one had to know. 

“Mama!” Remus cried as he watched the deceitful side leave. Remus was furious. No one made his mama upset. Especially not Patton, the side who pushed them into the dark proclaiming to be protecting their Host. He turned, glaring at Patton, his eyes glowing green. Roman gasped, stepping towards his brother and Patton. If he needed to protect Patton he would, but he hoped he didn’t have to fight his brother. Remus shoots a look to his twin, his eyes returning to their normal color as he recognized the desperate pleading in Roman’s eyes. He returns his glance to Patton and his gaze hardens, but his eyes remain their normal color this time as he finally speaks to the so-called fatherly side.

“Are you sure that you’re even Morality?” Remus asks and takes a step forward, a look of hurt crossing his face so fast that no one saw when Patton instinctively took a step back. Remus chuckles darkly and shakes his head as he takes a step back. So, despite everything Remus tried today, being quiet, keeping his thoughts to himself, and playing nice, Patton would always be afraid of him.

“Ha- Are you scared /popstar/?” He asks, spitting out the nickname as if it were poison. He hums as Patton moves to respond but Remus speaks before he can.  
“You’re too apathetic to be in charge of Thomas’ emotions.” He growled before sinking out to go find Deceit, and when he did find the side sobbing into a pillow, he didn't say anything. What he does, though, is join his mama on the bed and pull him into a hug, comforting the snake with soft reassurances that he wasn’t going anywhere, that he would never leave and would always be by his mama’s side... 

Patton stands there in shock before looking over to Logan and Roman, both sides reeling from what they’d just witnessed. The moral side looks back to the floor where Deceit had sunk out. He sniffed, wiping away the tears that had begun to slip down his face. He speaks up though, startling the logical and creative side. 

“Do… Do you guys… agree? Am I bad at my job?” Both glance up to the moral side in shock, no words coming to their mouths despite both wanting to say something to comfort the side, that no he wasn’t bad at his job, that he just made a mistake that needed to be fixed. Both knew that they hadn’t found the words soon enough because Patton’s tears began to slide down his face freely. He nods with a shaky laugh, wiping the tears away. Patton was fine, he shouldn’t be crying right now. Not when he was the reason two other sides were hurting right now. Not when he had acted like a real big b-hole. He let out a shaky breath as he played with the sleeves of his cardigan. 

“Oh. Alrighty then haha. Uhm. Imma head to my room now.” His voice is scratchy from holding back his sobs. His stupid stupid emotions. As he sinks out he freezes when he hears Roman and Logan calling for him. 

“Padre wait!” Roman’s voice is rushed and worried and he reaches out to Patton, this conversation shouldn’t be over! They needed to go, well, Patton needed to go apologize to the others if they wanted things to improve.

“Patton!” Logan’s voice was desperate. He wanted to help fix things! Things couldn’t be fixed if Patton wasn’t there with them to talk things out.  
Patton shakes his head once more before he fully sinks out, leaving Roman and Logan alone in silence. Both sides then feel a tug from Thomas and they feel their hearts drop. This conversation with Thomas had been feared by all the sides, because they had to tell Thomas everything that was going on. 

“Shit” Both sides murmur, in agreement that whatever was about to happen would be emotional. Both sides look to each other, sharing the same thought. 

How in the world could they explain to their host that his Anxiety was dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Sorry for disappearing on y'all!! The end of the school year got rough due to COVID-19 but I can now officially say that I have completed the school year. Hopefully this means I can write more haha!! 
> 
> In celebration of my motivation returning, the next chapter will be a Q and A!! Ask your questions in the comments and in the next chapter I will answer what I can!! Not everything will be answered because spoilers or I haven't gotten that far but I'll do my best. Love y'all!!


	8. A Band-Aid on a Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh this one is a long one you guys. Over 2000 words and very emotional. So much happened in this chapter, and you can thank the inspiration that hit me at 3 in the morning yesterday. 
> 
> TW: Mentions of suicide, graphic description of suicide, sad bois, hey uh, remember that u!Patton tag?
> 
> Let me know if I should add something!

Thomas had been feeling not good. All day. All day there was this pit in his stomach. All day his emotions were out of whack. He had felt so anxious that something was wrong. He had to cancel plans with Joan due to said anxiety. Luckily Joan understood, telling Thomas to relax for the day. Thomas was rewatching the Office bloopers in an attempt to calm down, but his anxiety was still acting up.   
Thomas summoned Virgil.. At least he tried to. Virgil didn’t come up. In fact, he couldn’t even focus on the anxious side's energy.   
“Huh. That’s odd.” Thomas murmured to himself, had Virgil ducked out again? No, because Thomas was still anxious. What was going on then? Why couldn’t he summon Virgil?  
Thomas sighed. Maybe the others would have an explanation?  
“Logan! Roman! Patton! I need to ask you three something!” He called out, watching as his logic and his creativity rose up, both with a vague expression.   
“You guys?” He asked, his voice soft.   
“Where are Patton and Virgil? I tried summoning Virge earlier but to no avail, and I called Patton with you guys and-” Thomas gestures to Patton’s area. “He’s not here.” He explained.   
Roman and Logan looked to each other, Logan looking exhausted and Roman looked as if he may start crying at any moment.   
“You guys, what the heck is going on?” Thomas was getting frustrated, he didn’t like being kept out of the loop when something was going on inside his head.   
Logan let out an exhausted sigh.   
“Thomas, I think you should sit down before I begin explaining.” Logan said, trying to avoid looking at Virgil’s spot on the stairs.   
Thomas hesitated before sighing and going back to his couch and sitting down.   
“Logan.. What in the world is going on?” He asked in a soft voice, watching as Roman sat beside him.   
Logan stood in front of them and straightened his spine and adjusted his tie. He needed to shut his emotions out if he was going to be able to explain to Thomas what had happened.   
“Last night, right around dinner… Virgil.” Logan heard his voice crack and he looked away from his host as he covered his mouth. He recognised arms wrapping around him and reminding him to breath.   
“It’s alright, starlight. It’s okay.” Roman’s voice whispered into his hair and Logan choked out a sob, reaching out and summoning Deceit. Someone needed to tell Thomas.   
\---  
Deceit was in the middle of comforting Remus and himself, whispering soft reassurances to the Duke with gentle kisses to his head. All of his arms remained wrapped around Remus to reassure himself that the side was still there and that he wasn’t going anywhere.   
He felt a gentle tug from Logan and his brows furrowed in confusion. Why would Logan wish to speak with him? Especially after what had happened earlier. He sighed as he gently pulled himself from Remus’ grasp.   
“Mama?” Remus’ voice sounded so small and scared. It reminded him of a time much earlier, right after the split when Deceit had taken him in. Remus had been so scared.   
“Logan is summoning me, hon. I am going to go see what he needs, then I will be right back.” He promised, using the same soft voice he would use whenever Remus and Virgil were children and something had made them scared.   
Deceit pulled himself from that train of thought as he arranged himself, snapping the red away from his eyes. He sank out and rose up to where Logan was summoning, picking at his glove.   
“Logan, I am not in the mood to talk about-” He froze when he looked up and saw Thomas. He looked to Logan and Roman, both too overcome with their own emotion to speak, but he didn’t need them to talk to understand what they were asking. Deceit adjusted his posture and took in a deep breath.  
“Deceit! What are you doing here? Are you the cause of all of this? What did you do?” Thomas spat out, standing up to face the snake-like side.   
Deceit flinched at the venom in his host's voice but stood his ground.   
“Please, I didn’t do anything.” He scoffed, holding up a harsh personna. It would be the only way to make his host even listen to him.  
“Logan summoned me to share the information that you’ve been asking for, but sure, make me the villain.” He huffed.   
Thomas stepped back and frowned, feeling a bit guilty for straight up attacking Deceit before giving him a chance to speak for himself. He was still reeling from seeing his logical side breaking down in front of him, after all.  
“Sorry, Deceit. I’m just confused and anxious and… I just want to know what’s going on.” He explained in a soft voice, looking to Deceit for an answer.   
Deceit let out a soft breath and adjusted his cape.   
“Thomas… I don’t know how to tell you this… Virgil, he uhm.” Deceit let out a shaky breath as tears flooded his eyes, which honestly, startled Thomas a lot. Deceit tried to collect himself with a breath before continuing.   
“Virgil killed himself.” He breathed out, forcing himself to look up to his host and to make eye contact.   
Thomas felt his breath catch in his throat, eyes widening and tearing up as he took a step back, sitting down on the couch, looking at Deceit in shock and grief.   
“Y-you guys can die?” Was the first question Thomas was able to ask, looking at Logan and Roman before back to Deceit for answers.   
Deceit nodded, sitting beside Thomas on the couch.   
“Yes, we can die. Although, unlike with ducking out, you can still feel our traits, but we will no longer be there.” He explained, wiping the tears from his eyes.   
“Can- can I bring him back?” Thomas asked, letting the tears fall freely from his eyes.   
Deceit shook his head, choking back his sob.   
“N-no. Um, no you can’t. Unfortunately, Virgil left in a way that we cannot bring him back. We don’t know what’s going to happen with the mindscape now that he’s gone, it has been so long since something like this has happened.” Deceit explained, messing with his gloves as a distraction.  
“Is it my fault?” Thomas asked, his voice scratchy and small. He was picking at the lint on his pants as tears overflowed. Deceit looked to Logan and Roman for assistance. Their host has never ever sounded so broken.   
“Is it because I didn’t tell him that it was okay, if he used to be one of them, that I still love him for the person he has grown to be? I-I was just too shocked and I couldn’t talk and God I should’ve told him.” Thomas choked out. He gasped when he felt Deceit’s arms wrap around him.   
“No no no no no, goodness Thomas, no!” Deceit assured, his voice softening as he began running his fingers through his host’s hair.   
“None of this is your fault. I promise. You didn’t do anything wrong.” He promised softly, with a kiss to Thomas’ hair.   
Deceit gasped in shock when Thomas’ arms wrapped around him, rubbing his host’s back when he began sobbing in the sides shoulder.   
“It’s going to be okay, Thomas.” Deceit promised, running his fingers through his hosts hair, murmuring soft reassurances.   
\---  
///  
Remus should not have been left alone with his thoughts, especially not right now. Thomas knew Virgil was dead, and now he was curious.   
“What if he slit his wrists and let himself drown in the tub?” He whispered to Thomas, sending the images to their hosts mind.   
“What if he stabbed himself and pulled out his intestines? What if he hung himself from the ceiling?” Remus’ voice got louder as tears freely left his eyes, his voice demented. The duke pulled at his hair, manic laughter leaving his mouth. The image of Virgil’s lifeless body hanging from the ceiling stained his mind permanently.   
///  
\---  
Many gorey images of Virgil dying crossed Thomas’ mind, causing the man to cringe and grab Deceit firmly, trying to force the thoughts out of his mind, though that didn’t help much.   
Deceit realized what was happening immediately and guilt flooded his heart.   
“Shit.” He breathed out, looking to Logan and Roman for help. Roman was quick to summon his brother, worry etched into his face.   
Remus appeared in front of the television and immediately collapsed to his knees, sobbing. Worry consumed Deceit, starting to pull away from Thomas, but before he could even move Roman was hugging his brother tightly. Remus grasped desperately at Roman’s uniform, sobbing into his brother’s shoulder, mumbling a million apologies as Roman whispered soft assurances into his twin's hair. Roman looked up at Janus, mouthing an ‘I’ll take care of him’ before sinking out with the Duke.  
Deceit let out a soft sigh, gently pulling away from Thomas.   
“Are you going to be okay if Logan and I head out for the night? It has been an impossibly long day and we need our rest. Which also requires you to rest, and take care of yourself.” He said softly, offering their host a small smile, which was kindly returned.   
“Y-yeah, uhm. I’ll be fine. I was feeling pretty tired. I’m going to get some water then head to sleep. You guys go on ahead.” Thomas assured, standing up and stretching as Logan sank out. Deceit stood, getting ready to sink out before Thomas had stopped him.   
“Oh, and Deceit? Thank you.” He said softly, offering the snake-like side a crooked smile. Deceit’s heart soared as he nodded his head towards their host.   
“Of course, Thomas. Feel free to summon me if you need anything.” He said softly before sinking out to his room.   
\---  
Patton had ignored Thomas’ summons. He felt guilty about it, but he couldn’t face their host. Not now, not after so much had happened in the past 24 hours. After leaving Logan and Roman, Patton had left to his room, collapsing onto his bed and letting himself cry into his pillows. His room felt kinda dark and suffocating but he couldn’t bring himself to care. After ignoring the summons from Thomas, Patton had gotten up, trying to straighten himself out, although he couldn’t. Probably because he’s gay. Patton began to think about everything leading up to this moment and he felt anger overflow his body. He was mad at himself for being so filled with emotions, and being so stupid and impulsive. He was mad at Logan and Roman for not sticking up for him when he needed it most, especially when he had always been there for them. He was mad at Remus for his intrusive thoughts and for thinking he had the right to yell at him. He was mad at Deceit for getting mad at him and rejecting him. Most of all, he was mad at Virgil for causing this whole mess because he was too weak for his emotions. Patton made sure his room's walls were sound proofed before taking off his glasses and throwing them across the room with an agonizing scream. From the corner of his eye, Patton spots Virgil’s jacket, the plaid patches being what caught his eye. The moral side disregarded his cardigan and grabbed Virgil’s jacket, a blank expression as tears slipped down his cheeks.   
They wanted to call him the bad guy? Fine. He’ll show them a bad guy.   
\---  
After sinking out to his room with Remus, Roman brought them to his bed, holding his brother to his chest as they lay down on his bed. He let out a shaky sigh as he played with his brother's hair.   
“Hey Ro?” Remus asked. Roman had never heard his voice sound so fragile and breakable, it shocked him. Nonetheless, Roman looked down, making eye contact with Remus, humming softly.   
“Yeah, Ree?” Roman watched as Remus sighed and nuzzled into Roman’s chest, missing this contact. The twins hadn’t comforted each other with cuddles in a long time, but neither minded the cuddles. At this moment, they needed it as much as they needed each other.   
“Thank you.” Remus said softly, letting his eyes slip closed, exhaustion finally catching up to him.   
Roman smiled, simply hugging his brother tighter as a response and letting his own eyes fall shut.   
And for the first time in forever, both twins felt whole.   
\---  
Logan immediately collapsed into his bed as soon as he made it to his room.   
The amount of emotions he had felt today was alarming. Yes Logan felt emotions, but they usually were not this intense. His head was beginning to hurt. He sighed, removing the glasses from his face and removed the tie from his neck before snapping into a t-shirt and basketball shorts. He lay down and let his eyes slip shut. Maybe after some sleep he would feel better. He could only hope.   
\---  
When Janus made it to his room, he immediately snapped himself into silk pajamas, summoning a glass of wine as he put on some television. As he sat down on his bed, he noticed something on his desk chair. As he took a closer look, it was Virgil’s black sweater. Janus let the tears fill his eyes as he put his wine glass down, pulling the sweater to his chest and hugging it tightly.   
“I’m so sorry, Virgil.” He whispered weakly, laying down in his bed and falling asleep, jacket still held close to his chest.   
\---  
Then the mindscape shifted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, it only gets worse.

**Author's Note:**

> Wowie, kiddo's!! Thank you for reading!! Please comment with thoughts or criticism! This has been Ollie and I'm outie 50,000.


End file.
